Microwave can't make popcorn

I'm making Pizza!

People don't know how to drive in the snow!

I'm good at Bowling!  In your face!

Popcorn got burnt, even Cat-Dog wouldn't eat this shit.

Brett Farvt

Dog-Cat doesn't give a shit about Recession

I found this crazy old dog and blind cat yesterday.  I was cruising around, (like I do) and found this dog walking down the middle of the street like a bad ass.  I stopped the car, also in the middle of the street (like a bad ass) to see what was up.  Neither animal spoke english or had any ID.  But the Cat liked the trash outside this house, so I went up to the door only to find that no one was home.  After realizing the I couldn't take the Cat anywhere since cat's hate cars, and I didn't want to break up the cat-dog posse, I walked the Dog and Cat onto the porch and gave them water and told them to stay, which they did.  That way when the owners of the home came home, they'd find themselves the proud owners of a sweet rag-tag dog-cat posse.  And Dog-Cat doesn't give a shit about Recession.

Alright Recession...this means war

So Recession has made it's first move, and that is of course the taking away of Sparks!  That son of a bitch, I don't mind when you just talk about shit Recession, but when you take action and strike a huge part of my Pre-Gaming package, then that's bullshit.  If we all must make sacrifices, then my sacrifice would be that I will be less sober.  This makes it a lot harder without Sparks.  

I'm sure there's some sort of Bath Tub Sparks that you can make with mountain dew and drano, but I'm way to busy with my other experiments to waste my time with something that's already been invented.  

For Instance!  My "Time Travel Recipe" of 2 beers (any kind), 4 Red Bull Vodkas, and then Long Island Ice Teas til you hit the Space-Time Continuum.  

I just have to work on figuring out a Recipe to go Back in Time!  Then I can buy more Sparks and sell them on the Black Market when I drunkenly shoot back.  Of course I'm referring to the Future Black Market, which will basically be Future K-Marts.

Dear Blob

I thought our business was done, James said we had 50,000 hits, but he really meant 50 Million!  Thank God! John Runyon has his 200th start, 10 Sober.  Congrats.

Dunn doesn't know how to get back in the ring.

Matt is calling for a penalty, Adam just showed up, no poop.

I can't believe it! 40 Million hits!

That's right!  40 Million in under an hour!  Believe it!  

Holy Shit!  Sierra Mist!  Your stupid, nice stupid red balls for Christmas.  

Kev is not here.

Dunn just pissed himself again...out of his butt.

Bad News

Bad News Blob, I'm not longer World Champion.  I hate X-Pac.  He is stupid.  Thoopa Thupid.  James just went to the bathroom...he's still in there.  J-Rod is not longer champ either, he's going to be pissed.  Probably so angry that he'll curse in an email and piss himself at the computer, then end up getting electrocuted as the urine hits the cables...I've seen it happen before...second grade.  Dunn is getting his ass worked.

Dunn Sucks Off meter maid

Dunn could not pick an outfit to wear in the wwf wrestling game, could not.  So many great outfits to wear and choose from, tights or jean?  Elbow pads?  Any tattoos?  

Brad can't believe he's still world champion and the wrestling game.  Dunn thinks he is kinda gay.

McNabb needs to go over the top

Dunn still has his red freaking pants on...(bad period joke)

Crack baby is kicking the shit out of dunn.

Brad has been leaning to play "white christmas" on the piana, pretty good, getting better each day.  Sounds like Beethoven, without the syphillis and the dog drool.  A real master, of the keys, The tusk keys, the ivory keys, Keenan Ivory Wayans keys.

Oldest Spider Web bullshit

So Scientist have found the oldest spider web eh!?? Well apparently they haven't been to my basement, because there are a lot of old spider webs in there, with many a many dead spiders inside.  I think it's bullshit that scientist see one 140 million year old spider web and assume that this is cool.  Well it's not nerds, it's super lame.  

Speaking of which, when I got to the theater, I felt like really bloated.  Like when we got out of the bar, we ate a lot of food, but I still felt good.  But something in the soda that I was chugging made me feel uncomfortable.

That was a nice catch in the football game.  He is having an electric game.

Good ball skills.

Dunn doesn't know what to wear, bullshit...wear bullshit.  

Adam is Stupid.

Adam shit himself walking to work the other day, then he wiped his butt with a paper towel from the pizza place...it wasn't that cool.

Shoe-icide bombing, bull-shit!  Nothing blew up!

In your face!